Seeing our Offenders Through the Eyes of Christ

How Do I Forgive?

The following six steps are designed for any of us who are still struggling with forgiving someone else, or ourselves. Several years ago, I was at my wit’s end about a certain individual, and through prayer and discernment, our Lord provided the following 6 steps. These reminders helped a lot with the person with whom I’d been struggling, and with several others along the journey as well. These are the 6 steps:

1. See the other person (the offender) through the Eyes-of Christ. Can we begin to see that all of us are children of God, who sin and make mistakes? We all know that our Lord loves  each of us far more than we can even imagine. Can we extend that love to others, especially the ones who caused us so much harm and pain? Can we “look past” all of the ugly words or behaviors which caused us so much grief? Can we assume our Lord just loves us all equally--- despite whatever sins we’ve committed? Can we recall how much our Lord has loved us throughout our entire life, and extend that same love of Christ to others--- no matter what others have done to us? So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love will prove to the world that you are my disciples. John 13:34-35

2. Judge not, lest ye be judged! The words of Jesus are riveting and challenging in Matthew 7:1-2. He reminds us that the same standard by which we judge others will be inflicted on us on judgment day. 

Many years ago, I was walking with a good friend on a Christians in Commerce Challenge Weekend. He said to me: “Greg, you are a lot more judgmental than you need to be”. He was right of course, and I have attempted over the years to become FAR LESS judgmental. It’s far easier to judge someone else--- what I call the juicy joys of judgment, rather than understand and have empathy for others. This approach has helped me to become far more merciful and compassionate--- fully knowing that all of our sin and make mistakes. There are many complicated reasons why we humans act badly. We need to let God do all the judging. 

3. Take out the LOG in your eye. Again, Jesus challenges us in Matthew 7:3-5…  And why worry about the speck in your friend’s eye when you have a LOG in your own? Hypocrite! First, get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. 

As noted, all of us are sinners We frequently forget about the LOG in our own eye, as we rail on and complain bitterly about what others have done to us. I have found it helpful to refer to Psalm 51 in its entirety, which moves us toward having a heart of contrition. Let’s see verses 1-4: Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just. Some typical sins of unforgiveness include judgments, hatred, contempt, held grudges, resentments, bitterness, desire for revenge, name-calling, slander, and gossip. All of these are sins before God, and we need to repent of our own sins of unforgiveness.

A fabulous Scripture to live by is in Psalm 19:14: May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart find FAVOR before You O Lord, my Rock, and Redeemer. 

4. Forgive, Forgive, Forgive 7x70! Then Peter came to him and asked,” Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times? No, not seven times, Jesus replied, but seventy times seven!

This 70x7 level of forgiveness means we don’t keep track of how many times we should forgive someone. It’s indefinite or unlimited forgiveness. The commentaries here mention that we can forgive in an unlimited fashion IF the offender admits to his/her wrongdoing. Then the question becomes: what if the offender NEVER apologizes or admits anything? What if they are truly unrepentant?  

In this situation, I believe we need to FORGIVE ANYWAY. I can certainly think of situations in my own life where an apology from offenders is just not going to happen. Also, we are not called to be doormats. We are not letting the offending party off the hook for their inexcusable and unacceptable behaviors. We establish boundaries and clearly and kindly lay out what it will take to maintain a relationship. Our gentle admonishments of sinners may assist them in having their own relationship with Christ be fully restored.

5. BE a Prayer Commando! Here, we become very active in Intercessory Prayer on behalf of others, especially our offenders. We plead another’s case for justice and mercy with God. We stand in the gap for our offenders.

Who are Prayer Commandos anyway? They are:

• Devout followers of Jesus Christ

• Fearless in the face of a fight, due to their confidence in Jesus

• Recognizing this Prayer work is spiritual warfare against the devil and his tactics.

• Disciples of Christ, empowered by His Holy Spirit

• Using the weapons of Prayer and Scripture

• Putting ON the Armor of God in Ephesians 6:10-20

• Praying for the very souls of their offenders. Many of these offenders do not believe in the Risen Christ.

• Demolishing strongholds, speaking the truth, and rebuking sins.

• Loving the unlovable-- because they have been called to do so.

Moving from judgments and hatred for our offenders requires the Supernatural Grace and Power of our Lord. We now become intercessors on their behalf. This may be the most important work we ever do as Christians.

6. One of the best Scriptures on forgiveness to me is in Colossians 3:12-14: Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. 

Do we find it difficult to forgive someone who has wronged us so little, when God has forgiven us so much? God will deal with all the wrongs which have been done to us. Will we allow bitter feuding and unreconciled relationships to get in the way of living in renewed love, peace, and joy?

For Your Consideration:

If you find yourself still struggling with unforgiveness with one or more people, I encourage you to try out the above 6 step process. I know it has worked well for me. Also, our Lord desires that we become Set Free--- to truly experience all the love, joy, and peace that He has promised. We do our part by forgiving others, or ourselves.